How do we get back to the core of who we are? Can we figure out our own personal goals, ambitions, and prioritize those in a way that maybe they actually come to fruition?
Ashlee Livingstone is back from Episode 27 from Our Forte has been doing a lot of work on breathing and those core rhythms, habits, behaviors, that might actually get us to a place where we can live out the vision and the goals that we have for ourselves.
Show Outline
- 0:00 – How do we get back to the core of who we are?
- 1:39 – What’s going on with the world in the first part of the year.
- 5:22 – You don’t have to keep waiting for the new year or a new season or kids to go back to school to get started.
- 10:44 – How to get back to the basics of rest.
- 16:38 – Breaking down the walls to create a community.
- 21:25 – How do we bridge the tension between individual and team?
- 25:50 – The story of a janitorial company that discovered that there are things beyond work that are motivators and drivers.
- 32:03 – The power of coming together and recognizing our differences can strengthen us.
- 36:39 – How do you work best?
- 40:12 – Breathing into how you want to feel.
The Dream Manager Book
Aaron and Ashlee discuss the power of The Dream Manager on this episode.
Managing people is difficult. With disengagement and turnover on the rise, many managers are scratching their heads wondering what to do.
It’s not that we don’t dream of being great managers, it’s just that we haven’t found a practical and efficient way to do it.
Until now…
Quotes from the Show
“We need to stop normalizing burnout.”
“I think people are burning out because they feel so alone…and there’s no way out.”
“How can we spend 80% of our time on our top priorities and let the rest go?”
10 Tips + More from the New Generation Leader
Download our 10 Tips for Becoming a Leader Worth Following + get our latest insights, including tools, data, each week.
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Connect with Ashlee Livingstone
Ashlee works collaboratively to help leaders develop their teams and build client loyalty through moving relationships from transactional to ACTUAL.
She finds the most joy in developing leaders to become the leaders they wish they had with confidence and sustainability.
Episode 40 – Full Transcript
Aaron Lee 0:00
New Generation leader. Today we’ve got a repeat guest Ashlee Livingstone is back to talk about slowing it down. How do we get back to the core of who we are, figure out our own personal goals, ambitions, prioritize those in a way that maybe they actually come to fruition. Ashlee has been doing a lot of work on breathing and those core rhythms, habits, behaviors, the things that change us, that might actually get us to a place where we can live out the vision, and the goals that we have for ourselves. Today, we also talked about one of my new favorite books, and a vision of what that could look like, for you, for me, for all of us to really get after our goals and our dreams. Ashlee is truly a combination of energy, creativity, and passion. You’re gonna love this conversation. Welcome, Ashlee.
Last time we talked we were at the New Year. And now we’re kind of into q2, we’re we’re making moves. We’re getting things done. We’re being productive. we’re accomplishing goals, checking things off. But not everything is always perfect. We run into problems. What are you seeing people facing? Kind of as a trend heading into the middle part of the year?
Ashlee Livingstone, Our Forte 1:39
Yeah, thanks, Aaron. I, you know, we’ve been hearing a lot about people like, ah, you know, I can’t believe it’s well, at the time of this recording is April, K, believe it’s April already. And where did the first part of the year go. And sometimes we forget this happens every year. We’re always surprised by that. But what I’m noticing as we’ve got to come out of the pandemic, and life is going back to more normal than it had in the past couple of years. So when we chatted in December, January, people were setting big goals for the year, it was like this is going to be the year. And you know, if you listen to that podcast, we talked about how to break it down how to make these goals achievable, and attainable and consistent. And a lot of people still just were like, we’re doing it all. And then they started doing all the things. And now what I’m hearing a ton is I’m so overwhelmed. Or I can’t keep up. I can’t even keep up with the goals I’ve set for myself, let alone the expectations everyone else has for me. And so many people are claiming burnout. They are just, you know, one more hectic week, one more curveball, one more unexpected, whatever, away from just throwing their hands up and being like, I got to take a break. I’m out. And, and that for me. It’s just been something I’ve been noticing more and more with my clients as they’re coming to me. They’re on that verge of burnout. Or when I’m talking to people, a lot of people are saying to me, oh, yeah, I’ve burnt out before that’s that’s normal. Like, that’s, that’s not normal, we need to stop normalizing burnout. Yeah, so that’s really what I’m seeing a lot of right now. And a big part of my focus with my clients is avoiding burnout.
Aaron Lee 3:52
Yeah, I think there’s something about the changing of the year and the changing of the seasons that in the new year, we think we have all these big bright dreams and we set resolutions and goals at work and at home and in every facet of our life. And then we kind of get into it. Well now as you and I were talking about we’re coming into spring, the weather’s gonna be really nice, the sun shining more most of the time. And, and so there’s a freshness to this new season, that maybe there’s something about spring and a new start that gives us a a different perspective, maybe a more realistic perspective about what’s actually going on in our lives and in our work and our rhythms and makes us ask those questions in a more realistic way.
Ashlee Livingstone, Our Forte 4:47
Yeah. Yes, I think so. I don’t disagree with you. And I also think that so many of us wait for you know, there’s kinda these points, the New Year, oh, it’s renewed. Right? I’m gonna I’m gonna do all these great things. And then for those of us that live in the actually experience winter, this it’s cold, it’s dark. It’s lonely at times. It definitely I’ve been noticing more and more kind of sucking that energy. I have so many people that when the sun does come out, everyone does say, oh, yeah, now here, we’re spring, I can start doing these things. And then summer hits, and people slow down, right, summer is a bit of a natural, okay, slower pace. And then we hit September, and the kids all go back to school, least here in Canada, so they go back to school. And it’s like, oh, this is the second new year. And so these, these points throughout the year, are almost, I constantly see people going, Okay, now. Okay, now I’ll do it. Okay, now I can do this. And really what I would love to support people with and help people understand is that you don’t have to keep waiting for the new year or a new season or kids to go back to school. If you’re taking consistent steps towards your priorities and your goals. It can be manageable without the peaks and valleys of burnout, rest, burnout, rest. It, we we need to almost reshape that that mentality of okay, New Year, hustle, hustle, hustle, big goals, big goals, big goals. And okay, now I’ve burnt out by March, and then up springs here. And now we can go again. If we just were consistent, I think that it would be so much better for our minds or bodies, our productivity, our overall outlook on on life. Maybe I’m a dreamer.
Aaron Lee 7:06
There’s a little bit of idealism that that we can bring. And it’s and it’s helpful to bring, I think, for what you and I do to bring that outside idealism to help people remember and look in the mirror, hey, maybe it doesn’t have to be this way. Maybe it can be different. And it needs to be different. It should be different. Because we deserve different. But not only we deserve different, but the people we lead deserve different, and our families and our customers. And there’s a balance there that happens when we invest fully and completely. But you’re right. We a lot of times sell ourselves short. And and we think like you mentioned a few minutes ago, Oh, yeah. I’ve been through burnout before it’s It’s okay, I’ll, I’ll survive. But it doesn’t have to be that way. So how does that conversation go for you with clients? Reminding them helping them see it? Maybe there is a different way?
Ashlee Livingstone, Our Forte 8:14
Yeah, I? That’s such a great question. Because I really am a big believer in there’s more than one right way to do things. Kind of makes my wife angry at times, because I think there’s lots of right ways. She thinks there’s one right way. But when my clients come to me, and we’re talking about burnout, you know, I’m seeing often, either they’re maybe frustrated that their team is talking about burnout. And if they’ve already been through it, they’re actually less sympathetic, is what I’m finding. People are less sympathetic to other people burning out. Because they’re like, oh, yeah, well, that’s just part of it. So that’s showing up. And then for those that are really truly like, feeling that burnout, so they’re tired, maybe they’re having trouble getting out of bed in the morning, they’re constantly sick. They’re staring at their computer with this giant to do list and not making progress on any of it. And they’re just so overly activated in their body that we really get on a plan very quickly of what is your absolute top two to three priorities? And how do we take 80% of your time? Because I’m, I’m also very aware that there are things that we just have to do because we just have to do them right now at least. What are your top two to three priorities and how can we spend 80% of our time and energy in those priorities? And what can we actually let go of and let go by delegating. Let go by realizing they were never ours to begin with. So why are we doing that? I write outsourcing as well, whether that’s outsourcing in your home or outsourcing in your business, and then the other pieces, what do you need to do for your mind and body to take care of it. So is that daily movement? Is it eating healthy, I practice a lot of mindfulness, meditation breath work. And it just calms my system down, in. And that has a lot to do with it when you are running on adrenaline, or you hear people say, I’m just running on fumes, or I’m running on coffee, that’s really harmful for your body. And it actually makes you less productive, because everything you’re doing is taking way longer, and it’s way harder for you to be producing. So when you’re operating from a place of a resource, mind, a resource body, a rested body, you can actually get so much more done. And people have heard this before, I’m not telling anybody anything new. But yet 80% of the people I talked to still don’t implement that. And that’s pretty much the number one place I start with my clients is we got to feel good. We need to build in rest and routine and consistency. And let’s go back to basics, so that you can then start to uplevel the way that you always thought you were going to
Aaron Lee 11:36
look into to personally what have been some of the key ways that you’ve done that for yourself.
Ashlee Livingstone, Our Forte 11:44
Yeah, so for me 100% breathwork, I practice breath work daily, about 10 to 15, sometimes 20 minutes a day of just active, conscious, intentional breath, to either a call my system down, if that’s how I’m feeling I need to be grounded. Or sometimes I need to like feel energy moving. So I do something a bit more active and really get my energy going. And then about once a week or once every other week, I do a much longer meditative breathwork session where I’m consciously actively breathing for about 20 to 25 minutes. And that allows me to go so much deeper release all those limiting beliefs that I still carry, even though I’ve been practicing it. And it helps me have a really clear vision of what my right next step is. There’s a lot of noise on the outside. But when I can be quiet with myself, I already have all the answers. So breathwork, for me, has been the number one biggest tool. And then the other one is supportive communities. I have found so much grace, compassion, ideas, collaboration, in supportive communities, where we can bounce ideas off of one another, we can maybe post a problem that we’re having or a challenge. And there’s all these people who are showing up without judgment, and who truly want the best for you. Without getting too involved in the weeds. And that has been such a safe haven for me to to really allow myself to calm down, be strategic and stay focused.
Aaron Lee 13:44
So I think there’s a bit of a myth in in our motivations and our goals and something you just said about that community. Community doesn’t have judgment, and truly wants the best for you. How do you go about casting that vision for the leaders you work with? To help them see that making someone else successful? makes them successful? How does that conversation go?
Ashlee Livingstone, Our Forte 14:15
Yeah, it goes with they have to experience at first. I like I if you’ve never received that kind of community or that kind of support. It’s really challenging to give it because you don’t know what you don’t know. And I was not probably the up until about three or four years ago, I was not a big believer in community, especially community like mostly women communities. I had never found good success in them. But I hadn’t found the right one. So that is something that I work with my clients on is What group do where do you fit where do you belong? And where can you find that safe space to be yourself. So whether that’s with me, and the community of clients that I have, and the groups that that I lead, or is it another group, like maybe it is golfing once a week, with with your friends on the golf course, I have a lot of male clients who that’s their community, that’s their safe space where they can be active, share, and keep moving. And I have other clients who love joining a women, entrepreneur groups, or, you know, Mom groups different, it just you have to find your community. And the other big piece is, once you’re in that community, you have to fully participate. So showing up just to receive is not does not make you part of the community, it’s the give and take. And as soon as you start to see that working, that’s when I see this switch flip for many of my clients, it’s like, oh, I can actually do this with my team, you know, maybe not as vulnerable and not as open. But I can do this with my team, I can create gratitude moments, and I can create, you know, ask, ask us anything moments I can, I can celebrate wins with my team, I can create growth opportunities or, you know, help them with mentorship. But you have to be a part of it first. And I think that that’s a really important step.
Aaron Lee 16:38
I’ve absolutely found that to be true. And because talking about it, I vividly remember one of my earliest coaching clients had such a problem envisioning the power of him, seeing other people succeed, because for him, it was a party of one, a team of one. And it was all about his identity, his goals, his accomplishments. And that was that was a challenge. But you’re absolutely right. It’s, it’s really foreign, a foreign concept that until you’ve seen it and experienced it, it can be hard to understand and trust that, that that is what it is. And what it can be. One of the ways we talked about for leaders is to break down the walls, so that we can have relationships centered on influence and impact. But a lot of times we I have seen, we’ve walked into some of those settings, you have a wall up, I have a wall up. And if somebody lets that wall down completely too quick. It’s like, oh, that that’s uncomfortable, you’ve spilled, spilled the beans way too fast here. And if one person does partway and the other person doesn’t, then it’s not reciprocated. And so you still don’t see it. And so there’s a fine balance. And we say it comes down to four, four components. We’ve got to have chemistry, and feel like we have an ability to connect. And I get along with you that you’re a person of character that I can trust you that you have competence. And you’ll do what you say and say what you do and, and you’re good at that. And oh, always forget the fourth, character, chemistry, competency, competency and credibility. The two are credible. And so when you look at that, letting those four get into a true sense of community, let the walls come down. So that you can get beyond just a transactional conversation and get to a place where hey, we’re actually we are for each other, we want the best for each other. And, and we can challenge each other, we can actually tell the truth. We’re not just trying to be nice. We’re not trying to sugarcoat it. I’m going to help you see things that maybe you can’t see in yourself.
Ashlee Livingstone, Our Forte 19:18
Yeah, and I think that that you have to always invite that in. And, and that’s why I think it’s so important for leaders to have that somewhere else first, so that they can see okay, what’s working, what doesn’t work? How does this feel? And then learn from that to bring it to your team? And you can’t just walk in and be like, Okay, here’s how we’re doing things now, because that’s still the wall is up and especially if you’ve been leaving a different way I’m more closed off or you know, single way and now you want to invite in this new community at work. That doesn’t happen overnight. Friendships don’t happen overnight. relationships don’t happen overnight. Maybe sometimes, but for the most part, it’s work. And people give up so easily you hit one roadblock, or one person meets you with? Uh, oh, I don’t think so. And you’re, it’s not working about, you have to keep nurturing it, and, and shifting how you’re approaching it. You know, I use a lot of sports analogies, just because, you know, that’s how I was raised. And I have a young son. And so I talk a lot about this with him is, you know, are you playing on a team? And if you’re on a team, and all you care about is are your stats? How if you went four for four, and how many strikes you threw and how many plays you made? Then you’re, you might as well go play singles, tennis. Right? On a team, you need to care about everyone. And there are going to be people who strike out every day. They’re in a slump? What are you doing to support them? How are you showing up as a teammate who is succeeding to support that person? And if you’re not willing to do that, singles, tennis is great. It lives and dies on your performance and your performance alone?
Aaron Lee 21:25
Yeah, so let’s, let’s keep that going. What am I daughters, we’ve, we’ve completely moved in our family. And everybody keeps asking me, Hey, how’s softball season going and for the first time in 789 years, I’m not coaching softball this spring, because neither of my kids are playing. They’ve both shifted to the different sports and activities. One of them is way into gymnastics, and gymnastics, and the summer swim team around here, those experiences have shown us I think what we’re kind of trying to describe here is that neither one is purely individual. There’s a balance of individual and team. And so how, how do we bridge that in between tension where, yes, I need to swim fast. But it’s also how fast all of us swim together, that helps us all succeed. And so it’s, it’s measuring both. And so many times, I had this conversation the other day with somebody, there’s so many times, we tend to think it’s an either or. It’s either my way, your way, this way, that way. And I I think that sells us short. That it’s how we how we put those together. That gets us truly to the next level.
Ashlee Livingstone, Our Forte 22:49
Yeah, I, you know, my, my word or my phrase for this year was collaboration over competition. If I need to be right all the time, that’s competition. If I need to show up, and, you know, compare my stats to your stats, that’s competition. But if we can collaborate and create win, win, if I can win, and you’re still cheering for me, even though you didn’t, right, that’s collaboration, because next time, I’m going to cheer for you when you’re winning, or we’re going to train together so that I’m invested in you getting better. Right? If I’m the fastest on the team, train with me, don’t compete against me. No, don’t judge me or don’t you know, we do that a lot, too. It’s like, oh, must be nice. Yeah, it is. Come join me. Let me show you how great instead of this competition, and, you know, I’m all I think there’s healthy competition, for sure. But it’s got a fuel, the main purpose and, and I do see de Anacardium. And getting back to that burnout is we spend so much time competing with other people, comparing ourselves to other people, and not saying anything, not knowing how to communicate that all of those things are just adding to that stress, that invisible stress, the limiting beliefs, and it’s all adding to our burnout. Right? It’s like our burnout bucket is just like getting more and more full. And even a supportive conversation with a colleague can help. Right? It’s just like, Oh, ha, they do get it. Oh, I’m not on an island all by myself. Okay, great. Does it need to be a 20 minute vent session? But hey, somebody’s identifying with me. Somebody showed up or, you know, I have one of my clients. He knows that his team is young. And they’re all, you know, many of them are still living at home. And they’re keen to like, learn how to save for home. And he brought in a financial planner, they have nothing to do none other rules have anything to do with money and financial planning. But he’s so invested in their well being, that bringing in a financial planner for their personal finances was like a huge win for them.
Aaron Lee 25:31
I’m looking around my desk here, I don’t think I have it. But I feel like you’re, you’re quoting the book I just finished, a friend recommended the dream manager to me. Have you read this? No, I
Unknown Speaker 25:42
haven’t. It’s it’s should?
Aaron Lee 25:45
Yes, absolutely. It’s told in the style of Patrick Lencioni. And some of his fable parables. But it’s actually a true story. And this company was trying as janitorial company was trying to solve issues of turnover. And as they started to have those discussions, one, one of the employees, one of the senior leaders had this bright idea, let’s take a survey. Why is it people leave here. And it wasn’t money it was wasn’t anything anybody expected, it was transportation and how they get got to work. So they they worked on that solve that cut turnover in half. And then did another survey. And as they kept going, they started realizing, hey, there are things beyond work, that are motivators and drivers, what would happen if we started to foster those conversations, so they added a new member of their team and hired a dream manager whose sole job was to help people unlock their dreams, whatever they were, I should have this job. I know, I want this job. I want this job. They ended up hiring nine of them, I think nine or more of these positions within their company. But what happened was so fascinating. They started to have some success stories. Like, just like you were describing homeownership, a lady in her 50s always wanted to own a home. But she didn’t know what that pathway was. And they got the brilliant minds together, made a few connections and introductions and found a way for her to put no money down and pay $60 more a month than she was in rent, to now own her house. Once she moved in, she started hosting open houses for employees every week to come over. And then everybody heard and knew her story, the success of the dream manager in this just one one story. And it just kept going. But I thought what was so interesting was to two instances, very, very, months, years, maybe into this process. Two, just fascinating instances. One was one of their team members said to a family member, hey, you need a new janitor service for the property you manage. Call my company. There was no incentive package yet. They built one after the fact and gave her $1,000 Because they got this client, they got a new client. So now all of a sudden, instead of having a small sales team, every person in their company was on the Salesforce. And then the second one was, the referrals for employees are like, Hey, do we have any openings? My cousin needs a job, My neighbor needs a job. The guy down the street, the person I met at the grocery store needs a job. All of a sudden, this turnover issue had become the opposite. They had less people. Yes, exactly. So all of that centered around how do we care for people and truly tap into what’s motivating them? And not just the goal. But stretching that up to the dream level? What’s what’s our vision? Where are we motivated and drawn towards? And how can we cultivate that? Not only within ourselves, do it reasonably, reasonably realistically. Not trying to tackle all the new year’s resolutions at once, but I love what you said, let’s pick our top key top priorities and focus our efforts on that. Yeah, but how can we how can we harness all of that energy in the right direction? It’s
Ashlee Livingstone, Our Forte 29:47
it’s and sometimes all it takes. You know, I think people are burning out because they feel so alone. I really think that that is a key contributor to why people We’re burning out. You know, it’s their mindset of like, this is just too much too much too much. And they feel so alone and they feel like there is no way out. No, and you’re on that hamster wheel. And you’re just like, I guess I just keep going, well, when do you get a break? I don’t know, I don’t think so this is just my life. Now. I’m just here running along, and it happens to solopreneurs. It happens to CEOs, it happens to team members, regardless of where you’re at. So at some point, we just kind of hop on this wheel and like we’re all running by ourselves. And we can’t even see that there’s anyone else out there. And it just takes someone like this dream manager or somebody with some care to say, Hmm, what if I do this for my team? Or what if I push you to succeed or show you how you’re totally capable of succeeding? Somebody else believing in you? It might just be the thing that gets you off the hamster wheel. And believing that, oh, yeah, maybe it is possible. It’s when people don’t believe it’s possible. That’s, that hurts my heart. Like I honestly I said that. And I’m like, oh, like, I can feel that. That pain of you just don’t believe it’s possible for you. Maybe for other people, but it’s not for me, I’m never going to get out of this, or my boss is never going to do this, or my workplace is never going to be like this. And you’re stuck in this. It’s just not possible. And as soon as there’s that, like, spark of possibility, that opening of Oh, wow, they brought in the speaker, and that kind of kind of lit a little bit of a fire. And, oh, my boss has told me on my performance review that they really think that I could do this, and they see potential in me. And maybe those little Gremlins in our head start being a little bit quieter. And a layer that with, it’s also up to us to write we, we want so much external validation. And I think that as leaders, that’s part of our role is to do that for other people. And each individual person needs to play an active role in building their dreams, and seeing their possibility, and quieting those limiting beliefs.
Aaron Lee 32:42
Hey, you know, as you describe that, there’s so many of these differences that I think we see, or we innately know, in each of us. And, and it’s truly the power of coming together and recognizing our differences and how our differences can make us stronger. And one of the things I love is just as you have about your son, using our kids as examples, because they’re just such, there’s so many real life scenarios. And as I’ve been watching my oldest, the more she’s had to study and work this year, she is very social. My wife and I would go off in a quiet room to focus and study. But to study for my daughter, she has to be around people. Even yesterday morning before school, she realized she had to assignments to do and all I did was sit there. But that was enough of the social experience, that she felt like it was collaborative, and together. I would never try to be social. When studying or working hard. I never liked group projects that’s in school. But understanding those unique wirings and differences can help us get to a place where we understand and where we can tap into that unique potential that each other person has, and maybe learn some lessons for ourselves about how we can get better how we can get stronger and healthier. So that we actually have something to give when it’s time to give to the people around us.
Ashlee Livingstone, Our Forte 34:23
Yeah, yeah, it’s like the you can’t. I know it’s like a very cliched saying but you can’t give from an empty cup. You need to fill yourself up. You also in and share share the wealth a little bit. I love that. Your daughter knows that about herself and that you know that about her and my son is very similar. He’s a very social, very social person in general. I am though as well, so I’m very happy to sit with him. Sometimes we sit at the table together and I’m doing some emails and he’s doing his homework. And to him he’s like, this is the best he thought home schooling and virtual school was the best because he just got to work beside me all day. And when he looks back on it, you know, so many people look back on it and think it was like distracting and frustrating and loud, we were to really well like that. Okay, we worked really well like that. And he actually thrived because of having that person. I didn’t interrupt him, I didn’t micromanage him, I didn’t do anything. He just did his stuff. And I did my stuff. And, yeah, it was great. And I know that there are a lot of people who need that silence. And as people are now really experiencing that hybrid workplace, too, and flexible work hours, this is where as leaders, we need to say, Okay, your peak performance time is three to 8pm. Like, alright, I might get emails from you at 8pm does not mean I’m going to answer them at 8pm Only answer it during my peak performance time, which might be 9am. And this, we just have to let that go. Let let us, you know, experience other people’s work styles and measure more on output like results, as opposed to what time are you sitting doing your work? And in what format? Are you doing your work?
Aaron Lee 36:28
Yeah, there’s a control factor that that seems to be happening, you know, more meetings, and let’s be face to face. And let’s all be regimented. And following the same routine, when, just like you said, that’s one of my favorite Insights is, how do you work best? When do you work best and linear, most productive? And find your own balance and rhythm to that? And it’s a constant, uphill challenge. It’s not easy. But when we do look at output and performance, it takes intentionality for us to look for those opportunities to see how can we bring our best? And how can we bring the best out of the people around us so that together, we can accomplish the great things, those collaborative top priorities, just like we have our personal top priorities.
Ashlee Livingstone, Our Forte 37:24
It’s way better to celebrate with other people than it is by yourself.
Aaron Lee 37:28
That’s a much better party.
Ashlee Livingstone, Our Forte 37:30
It’s a much better party when you can collaborate and win together, as opposed to celebrating by yourself. And having no one else kind of cheering along with you. And you know, you said something about that intentional. I really do think that kind of everything we’ve chatted about. It is about being intentional. Intentional, with your time, intentional about your priorities, intentional about not burning out. Right, like, Don’t let that happen. Prioritize not burning out. Intentional on how you lead your team intentional and how you lead yourself. If you go through life on autopilot, chances are you’re falling into every trap that there is. And on a scale of your life, like probably on paper, you’re like yeah, this looks pretty good. But really, you have that disconnect of Something’s off. I’m just going through the motions, I don’t really even like it. Why did I do this, but you don’t know how to get get out of it. And it just takes that intention. You know, I like even saying 1% better every day. Right? A small step, a small intentional steps every day, to engage your team or to take care of yourself or to really put time on your calendar for what matters most to you, not just all the things you should be doing.
Aaron Lee 39:08
So in all of that intentionality. I always say and I encourage people start with you, you’ve got to be healthy, you’ve got to find your own personal balance and rhythm. So you talked a little bit about breathwork. But give us give us a little more. I mean, I know what my Apple Watch tells me. I should breathe now for a minute. You talked about a little bit more than just a minute. Walk us through where where we could start individually and setting that foundation for ourselves.
Ashlee Livingstone, Our Forte 39:43
Yeah, I think you know the there’s a ton of science so here’s why I love breathwork it satisfies both parts of my brain. The logical make this makes sense to me. How does this help me side? There’s a ton of science on how breathwork calms your nervous system. Um, breathwork can regulate your body, it can slow your heart rate, it can decrease your blood pressure, there’s a ton of science, but I am not a science major, but I know it’s there. And then on the other side is just that, really breathing into how you want to feel, really breathing into what you want to release. So if I want to start my day, feeling calm, in control, grounded, I can breathe for 10 minutes and get myself to that place, I can create that space, like physically in my body, that just helps carry me through the day. And, you know, a lot of people are saying to now that breath work, because you’re so focused on breathing. And with meditation, you’re focused on not thinking about anything. And a lot of people struggle with that in meditation. So having something to focus on helps you actually get into that meditative state a lot faster than just sitting there going, Why isn’t this working. So the breath, even if you do five minutes a day, or you feel yourself about to go into a meeting, and you’re really anxious, doing like five Hallo, active breaths of breathing into your nose, and then out your mouth, like five big slow breaths like that, you will physically feel yourself calm down. Like you can feel it instantly. And I think it’s just such a great break for us to start interspersing throughout our day, no boats go on a big sales call, and you’re nervous, all those beliefs coming up for you just breathe, and let it go. And, you know, again, there’s lots of different people who guide breathwork, who facilitate it, I get the most out of it when I am guided, because somebody else is holding space for me there. They’re kind of like a coach showing up for you, giving you that platform to really focus in on your intention. But anyone can do it, you can do it at your desk, five rounds breath, take two minutes, and you can physically feel yourself calm down. You want to get pumped up, jump around, do some quick breaths, and you’ll physically feel yourself with that energy moving. I think it’s also really cool, because you’ll see how quickly you’re actually in control of how you’re feeling. This whole, they made me feel this way. And I get stressed out when I do that goes away when you know, I know exactly how to calm myself down. And I know how to not enter into conflict because I can regulate myself so easily now. And I think that’s that’s the bigger power for me of breathwork.
Aaron Lee 43:13
I always say getting healthy ourselves is is the most important thing. I I use the often quoted analogy of the oxygen mask on an airplane that you can’t give it if you don’t have it yourself. So make sure you know I think in our western world, it sometimes comes across initially as being something selfish. Well, if, if I’m working on me, then I’m not helping other people. But there’s, there’s a balance there. We have to get healthy ourselves. We can’t over indulge, we can’t go too far into that inward self. But what do we work on ourselves with a posture of how can this help me help others? Then that helps us I think truly unlock that intentionality that we’ve talked about focusing on those key important elements of what’s my passion? What’s my drive? What do I want to do in this world? And how can I make it happen? Yeah, and we can be far more effective and making it happen when we’re healthy.
Ashlee Livingstone, Our Forte 44:23
I totally agree. And I think that’s, you know, a lot of my clients will say, Okay, that’s great. You talk about getting clarity on your priorities, but I can’t get clearer. And we can do one breathwork session, and all of a sudden they’re like, I know exactly what I need to do. Like yes, you do. Right? Yes, you do. And spending that time with yourself. I you know, I talk a lot about developing self leadership before just like joining community to create community before you can truly effectively lead others. You have to know how to lead yourself and if You’re not healthy, and you’re not prioritizing yourself care and you know, physically, mentally, emotionally? How are you going to be able to hold space for other people and lead and coach them? It’s a lot of the do as I say, not as I do, and that doesn’t fly anymore, right? It doesn’t fly with our kids and it doesn’t fly with our teammates. So, definitely figuring out how to be intentional about developing yourself. And, you know, healthy to you and healthy to me might look different. And that’s okay. Right, just just embracing that effort, I think is a really important first step, for sure.
Aaron Lee 45:45
Good, well, actually back on Episode 27, I asked you the Hot Seat question. So I’ll skip that this time. What, where would you point people to connect with you right now and, and follow you and your work?
Ashlee Livingstone, Our Forte 46:03
Yeah, yeah, I think you if you want to connect with me and learn more about coaching and teamwork and even breathwork and how that can really help you avoid burnout. My website’s the best place I have everything up there. So it’s our forte.ca. I’m Canadian, but I work all over so.ca Or you can find me on Instagram at our forte. So that’s o u r f o r t e, like the French.
Aaron Lee 46:35
And I will say, your Instagram, you are active there. I see you on my feed all the time. So great place to connect with Ashlee. We’ll link to all that in the show notes at New Generation leader.com/ 404 Episode 40. Lastly, just like last time, another great conversation I really enjoy talking with you and dialoguing about how how we can work with leaders to get to a healthy place and and truly thrive together. So thanks for coming on again.
Ashlee Livingstone, Our Forte 47:11
Yeah, thank you. And I always appreciate the conversation. It’s so good to know that there’s so many of us out there. You know, doing doing similar work and making great impact. So thank you.